The Ex-Wives of Rob Porter: Nobody, not even the White House, should make employment decisions based on battles between the sexes

Since when does the accusations from ex-wives mandate a national crisis? Why did Rob Porter have to resign again—just because his ex-wives put up some pictures of themselves with black eyes? How do we know those were caused by the former White House aide, Rob Porter? Women, especially if they feel a man they were involved with sometimes can be very vengeful if he’s moved on to someone else. They will do some pretty crazy things to get attention—so how do we know that’s not the case here? Has this #metoo movement drove everyone into insanity? And now we’re saying that the White House Chief of Staff should be fired just because of the comments of some women? We are living in a crazy period where it is assumed that anything a woman says is true and cannot be even contemplated in a court of law, and that is just insane. Nobody in their right mind would allow for such a thing because regardless of what is being proposed in the #metoo movement, women can be just as devious and manipulative as men, so everything has to be taken within reason—especially in the White House.

Domestic violence is one of the most dangerous elements of any of our lives. As I’m writing this on Valentines Day of 2018 the sweet parts of courting a potential mate is the fun part—what we all celebrate as part of the relationship experience. But reality dictates that most of the time a relationship between and man and a woman is difficult, because the two versions of human being have much of the time completely opposite biological impulses and matching those up is hard for even the most seasoned communicator. Dealing with the depressing fact that a relationship of more than five years with another person beyond the realm of friendship is often disappointing, affairs often become part of the equation which then brings more complications to an already difficult one and emotions can become very erratic. A perfectly calm person can turn into a monster when all their hopes and dreams are leveraged against them by a vengeful spouse and domestic violence may appear to be the only way out.

Men are not the only villains in domestic abuse. Where men tend to hit or punch their way out of trouble when they feel the walls closing in on all sides of them, women tend to be more cerebral in their cruelty, using sex, family, or even collective assets as forms of slow, sustained mental torture against someone in their life whom they are trying to dominate into their way of thinking. Just because physical violence may not be part of that reality doesn’t mean the abuse isn’t going on. That doesn’t mean a man can just haul of and slug a woman who is mentally abusing them, but just like a child that cries when they don’t have the communication range to articulate a challenge to their intellects, grown men will often lash out with violence when they feel pressed to the point of having no other option. Just because a man hits a woman in a domestic fight it doesn’t mean that the woman was free of guilt. It just means that the man lost the fight because he surrendered thought and used his usually greater strength to shut down the conflict through the only means he felt he could dominate. The woman certainly plays her part in propelling the anger usually.

How people manage their domestic affairs is largely a personal problem, it’s not one for the greater society. Look at what happened with the tragic situation of Quentin Smith who was fighting with his wife when she had called 911 and officers Anthony Morelli and Eric Joering showed up to save the day. Smith had a long history of criminal conduct and it is a bewildering case of masochism that the abused wife was even conducting a relationship the Smith, which from an outsider’s perspective she shouldn’t have been engaged in. The result of the confrontation was that tempers where hot and Smith shot and killed the two officers—and he’s going back to jail, where he had spent time previously. The woman in this case had a relationship with a known loser, and usually in such cases kids are involved and so is money needed to raise the needs of a family—so there’s always pressure in how to allocate resources. The police did what they had to do, they were called into a family’s home to resolve a fight that the couple couldn’t take care of themselves and they ended up losing their life in the process—because the couple couldn’t manage on their own. Likely, Quentin Smith isn’t the sharpest tack in the box so when pressed he gets angry and tries to use violence to get leverage over the people he deals with. In the case of a physically weaker woman, that was his default mode and the wife understood that about him, and probably at some level liked that threat of violence. Some people like to walk on the danger zone, especially masochists. There is a very fine line between couples who experiment with versions of sadomasochism and physical abuse. Sex between such couples who are already riding that fine line can be rough and dangerous. Things can become deadly when the context of that rough sex translates into the anger of real life events where barriers get blurred under emotional distress.

Not much has been said about Rob Porter’s ex-wives. But speaking from experience, they both likely enjoyed that Porter was a man who could access power, otherwise he wouldn’t be working in the White House in the first place. Sex with such a man likely made them feel safe and secure even if it was a little rough. They probably liked it. That is, until they couldn’t move him where they wanted emotionally and the relationship crumbled, and they became ex-wives instead of just wives. That’s when the daggers come out. Perfectly nice people can become extreme villains from the perspective of the other spouse under such conditions and that little harmless guy who just wants to mow his grass on a Saturday and hide in the garage to avoid the wrath of his crazy wife suddenly becomes the equivalent of a mass murderer when the antics of the husband are talked about insistently by the wife looking for a divorce, but not wanting to be the bad one to ask for it. Emotions can get pretty out of control. An ex-wife can really get vengeful if her old husband is doing well, hanging out with the president of the United States and is starting to bang a much more attractive woman—or a younger woman at that. Women in such a position may do some pretty crazy things, like hit their face against a wall and blame the ex-husband when there are bruises. Or even perhaps the woman had a rape fantasy that occurred within the context of their former marriage and there were pictures taken for the fun of it, but those pictures were resurrected to gain leverage during divorce proceedings. What is promised in pillow talk often disintegrates in a courtroom because judges almost always listen to the woman’s side of the story right or not. What happens in sexual relationships can get pretty strange and are fine until the relationship ends and there is evidence to condemn the man.

So what was the White House supposed to do with Porter? What the guy does in his private life is his business, and especially what he does with women. If he’s doing a good job at work, the employer really doesn’t have the right to go any further into personal affairs. Any employer has that restriction, we can’t go around firing people just because ex-wives are engaged in legal battles with their former lovers. We don’t hire and fire based on acquisitions and we don’t get into other people’s personal business. The courts can do what the couples desire through divorce proceedings and custody battles. But Trump and his administration were smart to take the high road. There is no scandal in the White House involving the employment of Rob Porter. Women can say a lot of things for a lot of different reasons, and so can men. How people conduct their personal relationships shouldn’t be a deciding factor on how people perform at their jobs. If we do add such a thing to the mix, we would likely find that most human beings aren’t qualified for employment. And we really don’t want to open up that can of worms, because nothing good will come of it. The #metoo movement isn’t about saving women from abusive husbands. It’s just a power move by a political class of women looking for their own advantages in the battle of the sexes. And in that battle, they are hardly innocent.

Rich Hoffman

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